My 10 year-old daughter feeling teased by other children

I don't think this is bullying... it's more like "getting picked on"  without physical violence.

And my 10 years old daughter doesn't know how to handle the situation.  Being the youngest, but more like an only child because of her age gap to elder siblings,  she is a bit emotional when it comes to teasing.  

Recently,  according to her,  she cried because someone said she and one boy in same group like each other. 

I think she didn't mind it at first, but the person ( or group of them, I don't know) didn't stop saying it. 

I think regardless of age,  sometimes people like to say things which others don't like to hear,  and just repeat it many times so to see the reaction,  and it may be fun for those who like to enjoy seeing the reaction. 

It is a sign, to me,  the person is seeking attention,  and although it's not a healthy kind,  nor healthy way,  it might be healthy for the person who's doing it,   because he /she needs to feel loved.  

Getting attention is pretty similar feeling as being loved.

Suppose parents give full attention to children,  and make sure we give unconditional love.  

But sometimes parents are working,  or busy with something else,  or they don't know how to express their love to children,  so some children are lonely. 

It is easy for us to just scold the child and tell him / her not to do it, but it won't solve the real problem,  specially the one who's making fun of others.  

Though allowing them to continue doing it won't solve the situation, too.

Almost the same psychology exists in domestic violence or power harassment, too.  They are taking advantage of weaker one who don't really fight back,  or don't know how to fight back. 

Fighting back I mean is not really the real fight,  but how to deal with it without physical violence or having argument.  Because that is the thing they want if they are seeking for attention.

This is one of websites I found "how to deal" for your children. 

SPECIFIC STRATEGIES TO TEACH YOUR CHILD TO DEAL WITH TEASING (by the Massachusetts Child Psychiatry Access Project )

But for now,  I just simply try to listen to her more than giving specific advises.  

To me,  if a child can express his / her feelings to others, then he /she will feel much better and look at it more objectively.  

And since it's not at her school,  and easy for me to be around,  I'll try to stay closer,  so I can monitor her better.  

I once was a bullied child,  back in Japan.  In my case,  it involved physical and verbal violence and destruction of my possessions.  In my daughter's case,  it's not this kind of bullying.   But it has to stop as well.   

One thing I know is that,  you can't change the children who do this.   Parents might listen, but it's unlikely that they come up with good solution.

And I know I shouldn't tell my daughter to be stronger because it is her limitation already.  

It is hard for her to rely on other adults involve in the place,  because I don't think they can see what's really happening.   If it happens in front of adults,  they know they will be stopped and warned.  So they are good at doing it not seen. 

Though at school,  my daughter likes to tell teachers when she sees teasing.  She also boldly tell the bully to stop saying thing like this or that.  But she is shy to tell when it comes to her.

Anyway one important stance that parents could take is ( to me) is that we need to give assurance to our children that if it hurts him / her so much,  it is okay to be absent from school,  change school,  or leave certain group.   There is alway a way not to be teased, which is to stay away from those people.   It might be the last option,  but giving assurance would give certain peace to children.  

But for now, I don't think it's in that level yet.  They seem to be playing together happily when I see them.  They might even forget about it soon after this new year vacation.