My husband is the most important person in my family

May be I didn't think this way from the start,  

you know,  during 23 years of my marriage life,  there were ups and downs.

Though we were so much in love with each other when we got married... and love was everything we had that time.

My husband didn't have a job when we got married.

We had no place to stay,  but his friend offered one of the rooms at his house, because his parents were in America.

He was taking master's degree in Filipino,  and may be he wanted to be a teacher,  or translator like his dad.

Though when we decided to get married,  he wanted to be a farmer!

And I agreed.

We had a baby girl a year after our wedding,

and when the baby turned one year old,  he suddenly wanted to go to law school.

So he entered law school,  and became a working student,  and  I started to look for part time job.

I started to teach small Japanese kids here in Metro Manila.

I used to be a kindergarten teacher back in Japan,  so that was something I was good at.

Later on,  I franchised Kumon learning method, and started my Kumon Center in Ayala Alabang village.

My students were mostly Japanese.

That was around the time I happened to meet this Japanese Kumon teacher when my 2 kids were still small,  and my youngest wasn't born yet.

She taught me so many secrets about education and teaching skills.

And one day she told me:

"You should love your husband the most,  2nd your husband, there is no 3rd, and 4th,  and 5th will be your children."

She didn't mean to say we neglect taking care of children.

I think what she meant was the relationship between husband and wife is the most important in family.

In Japan,  we have a saying 

" Children grow up looking at the back of parents."

It means children look at our attitude and how we relate to others including spouse and children,  and they learn from that.

Not only what parents say to children.

Kids are very smart,  and they observe deeply.

If they see husband and wife ( dad and mom) trusting each other, then they learn what it means to trust.

And there are times mom and dad have some problems each other.

And kids are just there,  so often it's a temptation for parents to share the problems to kids.

"Haay,  you dad /mom never helped at something."

"Don't be like your dad /your mom who never learned to bla bla bla..."

But your kids are not counselors.

They are not a sand bag that you can pour your anger.

If you got some problems,  solve it among each other.

Never share those problems to your kids.

Never put down your partner in front of kids,  too.

We say in Japanese that 

"If someone gives negative comments about you,   true or not,  you lose credit and trust."

It's same thing in family.

If mom or dad talks about each other's negative sides,  and kids happened to listen to it,

children think the dad or mom is not trustworthy.

If you have an opinion to tell,  talk about it with your spouse when kids are sleeping or when they are not there.

Let's see...

There are many things so good about my husband,  and one of them is his gratitude to me.

He doesn't forget to tell me "thank you" all the time.

And he never complained about food I cook,  too.

If he doesn't like it,  he may not eat so much,  but he won't say a word.

So you see,  if I write something like this,

you know how wonderful my husband is!

And it's same for children.

Talk to your children how wonderful your husband / wife is.

Children love their parents.

In fact,  they think mom and dad are the best male / female person in the world.

Don't disappoint them.

Everyone has weaknesses. 

One can't change that easily.

But I think it's better not to look at the weaknesses of a person.

Not to expect your partner to change is my advise.

(unless domestic violence or some psychological disorders are involved)

Instead,  mom and dad can help each other and do the things other can't do.

And that's called Love.

There was a time,  my husband was commuting (taking bus and jeep ) going to work to Muntinlupa from our house in Diliman, Quezon City (around 40km),  so he left 5:30 in the morning, and in the afternoon he went to law school until 10 p.m.  My son was one year old that time,  and every night,  I used to pick him up at law school at Makati, because he still had to study before he went to work next day.

Everything is a choice we make.

There's no right or wrong,  and you can't blame anyone if your life is tougher than others.

And I started my life in the Philippines with my husband,  and it was the best thing happened in my life. 

He didn't be a farmer, though...